It flew by.
Ten years might seem like a long time, but my goodness how quickly it went by.
We eloped. Just us, the girls, two friends, a pastor, his wife and our favorite photographer. 🙂 We said our vows on the shores of Lake Chautauqua. It was a beautiful, sunny day. Just glorious. We could not have scripted the day any better.
A decade later – we’ve doubled our girls and our love. 🙂 (Sorry if it’s a bit cheesy)
But let’s face it – marriage isn’t always easy.
That’s not some newly discovered fact, it’s a given. It’s obvious considering the number of divorce attorneys around. The latest statistics I could find say – When you break that down by number of marriages: 41 percent of first marriages end in divorce. 60 percent of second marriages end in divorce. 73 percent of third marriages end in divorce.
So you’re more likely to fail than succeed.
Look, the fact is, I’ve done this before. I was a divorced, single mother for 8 years. I never dreamed of doing it again. No way. Marriage was not for me.
Until it was.
And it’s been an amazing decade.
There’s no secret to success; I don’t think so anyway.
During my time as a news reporter – I covered a handful of 75-year anniversary celebrations. I always asked for secrets to a happy marriage. The kind couple usually gave a few but always gave one – ‘Never go to bed angry’.
That doesn’t make it easy. Not for me anyway. I am stubborn. Like, ridiculously stubborn. Thankfully, my husband is a saint. He was seriously just called that by some of the parents at tee-ball. I’m not kidding. Like 20 minutes ago. They’re right. He has more patience than anyone I know. By a lot. So, I agree; don’t go to bed angry. Do what it takes to communicate. Don’t be afraid to apologize or even agree to disagree.
Marriage is not easy. But, what is? What in life that is worth so much – is easy? Parenting? No. Work? No.
When it comes to marriage – it takes two. It truly takes two – not each giving 50/50 – but each giving 100/100!
Life is filled with ups and downs. So too is a marriage. So the key is to love the ups and deal with the downs. If we didn’t have the downs – we wouldn’t even notice the ups.
We’ve had downs. We were apart for six months after my daughter, Maria’s accident. I spent that time with her in the hospital – first in Rochester, then in Boston. I didn’t care about much else than my girl getting better. I put my marriage on the back burner. Actually, not even on a burner. I was busy and depressed and scared and a wreck. My husband was amazing. He held down the fort. Alone. And was there with open arms when we came home.
So – we know downs.
When my dad died – I could not have gotten through it unscathed as I did – without Scott. No way. No how.
There are other downs that have come along, but we’ve gotten through them. Together. You have to walk together. You just have to.
Oh, we know ups, too!
The births of our babies Emma and Ella. The pride for our older girls – Alexa and Maria. So many ups. So many. Too many to count.
The best part of a marriage is seeing your partner happy and doing what they love. Supporting their decisions, helping them to reach their goals, and reminding them to never stop dreaming – all essential.
When I wanted to leave my job after 18 years – my husband fully supported me. He encouraged me. He knew how unhappy I was. He knew that I wanted to stay home with our babies. And I’m so grateful he did.
It’s not all rainbows and lollipops. As nice as that would be. It’s just hard work, patience, and love. So much love.
It’s been a wonderful ten years. Truly wonderful. I have a loving, caring and fabulous husband. I have brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews and parents I would not have otherwise had. I’m so grateful.
We find time for one another. We date on a regular basis. Sometimes just a coffee. Day dates, afternoon dates – we’ll take what we can, when we can!
A good marriage is one of the life-factors most strongly associated with happiness. It doesn’t mean you have to be married to be happy. I know plenty of happy singles. But a good marriage is a factor associated with happiness and I understand why.
Good relationships make people happy because a dependable companionship is a basic human need. Just like being loved.
My husband and I put each other first. It’s a bit controversial to be honest, but it’s how we make things work – not only for us, but for our kids. We feel if you have a happy marriage, you will have happy kids. So far, so good.
So, here’s to ten years and to many, many more. 🙂