• CELEBRATING BUFFALO TOGETHER
    #totallybuffalo

    CELEBRATING BUFFALO TOGETHER
    #TOTALLY BUFFALO

 

Celebrating TEN Years of Marriage. What I’ve Learned…

It flew by.

Ten years might seem like a long time, but my goodness how quickly it went by.

We eloped. Just us, the girls, two friends, a pastor, his wife and our favorite photographer. 🙂  We said our vows on the shores of Lake Chautauqua. It was a beautiful, sunny day. Just glorious. We could not have scripted the day any better.

Ten years ago on the shores of Lake Chautauqua

A decade later – we’ve doubled our girls and our love. 🙂 (Sorry if it’s a bit cheesy)

But let’s face it – marriage isn’t always easy.

That’s not some newly discovered fact, it’s a given. It’s obvious considering the number of divorce attorneys around. The latest statistics I could find say – When you break that down by number of marriages: 41 percent of first marriages end in divorce. 60 percent of second marriages end in divorce. 73 percent of third marriages end in divorce.

So you’re more likely to fail than succeed.

Unfortunately.

Look, the fact is, I’ve done this before. I was a divorced, single mother for 8 years. I never dreamed of doing it again. No way. Marriage was not for me.

Until it was.

And it’s been an amazing decade.

There’s no secret to success; I don’t think so anyway.

During my time as a news reporter – I covered a handful of 75-year anniversary celebrations.  I always asked for secrets to a happy marriage.  The kind couple usually gave a few but always gave one – ‘Never go to bed angry’.

Seems obvious.

That doesn’t make it easy. Not for me anyway. I am stubborn. Like, ridiculously stubborn. Thankfully, my husband is a saint. He was seriously just called that by some of the parents at tee-ball. I’m not kidding. Like 20 minutes ago. They’re right. He has more patience than anyone I know. By a lot. So, I agree; don’t go to bed angry. Do what it takes to communicate. Don’t be afraid to apologize or even agree to disagree.

Marriage is not easy. But, what is? What in life that is worth so much – is easy? Parenting? No. Work? No.

When it comes to marriage – it takes two.  It truly takes two – not each giving 50/50 – but each giving 100/100!

Life is filled with ups and downs.  So too is a marriage. So the key is to love the ups and deal with the downs. If we didn’t have the downs – we wouldn’t even notice the ups.

We’ve had downs. We were apart for six months after my daughter, Maria’s accident. I spent that time with her in the hospital – first in Rochester, then in Boston. I didn’t care about much else than my girl getting better. I put my marriage on the back burner. Actually, not even on a burner. I was busy and depressed and scared and a wreck. My husband was amazing. He held down the fort. Alone. And was there with open arms when we came home.

So – we know downs.

When my dad died – I could not have gotten through it unscathed as I did – without Scott. No way. No how.

There are other downs that have come along, but we’ve gotten through them. Together. You have to walk together. You just have to.

Oh, we know ups, too!

The births of our babies Emma and Ella. The pride for our older girls – Alexa and Maria. So many ups. So many. Too many to count.

The best part of a marriage is seeing your partner happy and doing what they love. Supporting their decisions, helping them to reach their goals, and reminding them to never stop dreaming – all essential.

When I wanted to leave my job after 18 years – my husband fully supported me. He encouraged me. He knew how unhappy I was. He knew that I wanted to stay home with our babies. And I’m so grateful he did.

It’s not all rainbows and lollipops. As nice as that would be. It’s just hard work, patience, and love. So much love.

It’s been a wonderful ten years. Truly wonderful. I have a loving, caring and fabulous husband. I have brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews and parents I would not have otherwise had. I’m so grateful.

We find time for one another. We date on a regular basis. Sometimes just a coffee. Day dates, afternoon dates – we’ll take what we can, when we can!

A good marriage is one of the life-factors most strongly associated with happiness. It doesn’t mean you have to be married to be happy. I know plenty of happy singles. But a good marriage is a factor associated with happiness and I understand why.

Good relationships make people happy because a dependable companionship is a basic human need. Just like being loved.

My husband and I put each other first. It’s a bit controversial to be honest, but it’s how we make things work – not only for us, but for our kids. We feel if you have a happy marriage, you will have happy kids. So far, so good.

So, here’s to ten years and to many, many more. 🙂

Mary Friona

Mary Friona

Editor-In-Chief at Totally Buffalo
Following my heart with my husband and four daughters. An Emmy Award winning journalist lucky enough to work in television & radio for 20 years -seeing wonderful places, meeting great people and telling their stories.
Mary Friona

Mary Friona

Following my heart with my husband and four daughters. An Emmy Award winning journalist lucky enough to work in television & radio for 20 years - seeing wonderful places, meeting great people and telling their stories.

Comments (4)

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    Mb

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    You are a nice couple it seems. I usually put the kids first ,that’s me, but whatever works. We have been through a lot of rough times but deal,with it together.happy anniversary.im glad your daughter is ok after all you went through with that.

    Reply

  • Avatar

    Carol

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    Love you Mary. The best to both of you.

    Reply

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    Annette Ancona

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    Mary, that was great. You are so right. You must make time for each other and as selfish as that may seem at times. it so worth it.

    Happy Anniversary to you and Scott. You deserve each other and you can see how happy you make each other.. Keep up the good work, because it is a job that requires putting the time in. Love you both

    Reply

  • Avatar

    DeneeWagner

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    Mary you are my FAVORITE Buffalo Celebrity !!! My wife’s Uncle is Tom Jolls !! Very nice Storytelling about you’re Life’s.Ups and downs !! I’VE been Married for 39 years !! I know what you’re saying!! God Bless !!

    Reply

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